Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Never given more than we can handle.....

Many people claim this "truth". Heck, I was even tempted with the thought today.
Mikayla has been a mess today. From the moment she woke up she has had a temper-tantrum for everything under the sun. I have tried my best to not give in to what she asks for, because I need the behavior to stop. I need her to know she can't have all that she wants. I need her to know that this life is at times, disappointing. Sounds awful right? Wrong. How much greater is happiness when it follows disappointment? How much greater does it feel to be given the gift of a reward when you know what it feels like to not receive it? Lessons that my sweetie is learning today through the act of not getting her chocolate milk until she eats her banana. Not too cruel of a mama, am I?

Well you would think so by the way she has been acting. It has been......dare I say it......Hell. The hardest day I have ever had since my sweet bundle of joy was placed in my arms for the first time. Then the whisper came to me "You are never given more than you can handle...." Ya I am pretty sure that was Satan whispering to me. What? You are shocked that Satan would use scripture to get to me? He did it with Jesus, why wouldn't he do it to me? He wanted me to think that I could get through this day on my own. He twisted scripture, like he did with Jesus, to draw me away from the truth of the Father.

You see, so many people who may not understand this verse will use it to get through a tough time of trials. But have you ever read this verse? It says:

13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

It is used when talking about temptation. We are never given more TEMPTATION than we can handle. Why in the world would God NOT allow trials we can't handle in our lives? There would be no reason for us to come to Him if we could do it on our own.

I so could not, and cannot do today without HIM. I was given WAY more than I could handle today, and if it weren't for that, if it werent for God allowing more than I could handle, I might have listened to the lie of the enemy that said "You are never given more than you can handle." It would have allowed me to think that I am powerful, when I was powerless. And I might have been a terrible mother today. But I wasn't. I was a great mother today. I cried and begged and I pleaded for God to have mercy. He gave me the peace and patience of a monk, and He gave Mikayla a 3+ hour nap :)

So glad for the ability to be driven by weakness to His feet. And so thankful for the work of the Holy Spirit in my life that allowed me to recogonize the covert lie of the enemy.

Praying for a better afternoon.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Speed up to stop...

Tangible conversations with God. Have you ever had one? I have had several moments when I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to a decision or realization, but never have I had a true, audible conversation with Him.

Until a few days ago.

I was driving to my moms after a somewhat crummy afternoon. I found out I wasn't pregnant this month, and it hit me badly. Whether it was the hormones or true sadness, I was a mess. We have only been trying for baby #2 for a few months, but with the news came the flood of memories of trying to get pregnant with Mikayla. The month-by-month game of "was this the month?" that lasted over a year. We have not done anything to prevent pregnancy since Mikayla was born, and I can't help the creeping thoughts that suggest that maybe we won't get that opportunity again. Again, that is probably the hormones talking. Of course, it doesn't help to hear the well-intentioned but super unhelpful advice of "it will happen when its supposed to." I know that, but it doesn't make it easier. I just can't wait to see Mikayla with a baby brother/sister, and it seems that any amount of time waiting feels too long.

Anywho, I was driving. Trying to kick the sadness, I was doing my best to sing along with the praise music I had playing in the car. I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw for the third time on my drive, ANOTHER car on my bumper. Was I going too slow? Was I oblivious to the speed limit? I was about to speed up when the car quickly swerved around me and then immediately halted to a stop. Red light.

Me: Speed up to stop! Super smart you stupid car. That will teach you to try and speed me along.
God: Funny, that's how I feel.
Me: What?
God: That's exactly what you are doing Rachel. You are trying to push things along only to swerve around and halt to a heart-breaking stop.
Me: I don't get it.
God: You want to be pregnant, but you don't really talk to me about it. You just try to push Me along when you think the timing is right, and then end up swerving around me only to be stopped in sadness by the realization that it didn't happen this month.
Me: I have prayed about this though.
God: Yes at the beginning of the month, maybe, and sometimes at the end when you say "God, please let this be the month." But never daily, never seeking whole-heartedly.
Me: So you are saying I am like that car? That I am right on your bumper when I want something at the moment, but then I get impatient, swerve around you, only to be stopped by a red light......a red light I create for myself?
God: Yes.
Me: Oh.
God: Its not that I don't want this for you, and I am not saying that this road trip you are on towards having another child is not what I want for you, I am just saying that I want you to not take matters in your own hands. Quit trying to drive over the speed limit I have set for you. You are still going to get there, maybe just not as fast as you would like.
Me: Not sure how I feel about that......

And then the song "Ready Now" came on the radio. The song says:

So take my heart
and make it new
make it true
And make it like You
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're Yours not mine to do
Do what You will
Do what You will
Do what You will
I'm ready now, Do what you will.

Do what you will. Do I want that? Of course I want God's will in my life.....what kind of Christian would I be if I didn't? But do I REALLY want His will if I swerve around His plan for my life? If I want to speed ahead of Him by not ever consulting him? Maybe if I truly sought out His will for this specific area of my life, I wouldn't want to swerve around it. Maybe I would like His plan. After all, I prayed for His perfect will when trying to get pregnant with Mikayla, and she could not have been more perfect. I shudder at the thought of what things would have been like had God let me skid past His will for me then.

I am ready now. God, do what you will. I will wait because you said I must. I will ask for the desires that I believe you have given me, but if now is not the time, then, OK.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

This little light of mine....

So, let me all have been sitting on the edge of your seats, waiting for my next blog post, right? Well if you are my mother, then your answer is yes, but if you are anyone else, well are you anyone else? :) I still don't know if there is anyone who reads this blog.....and well lets be honest......there isn't really anyone who WRITES this blog either. What happened? I would say I fell off the wagon, but if that were the case, I have been on one too many wagons without a seat belt. Nope, wasn't the wagons fault....definitely mine. I have not done a thing. No writing, no working-out, no crafting, just a lot of child rearing. A LOT.

But here I am, to talk about said child.

She is a funny thing, that little Mikayla. In the last month she has learned to sleep in a toddler bed, speak in sentences, sing songs, take off ALL her clothes multiple times a day, use the potty, and work my last nerve. And at the very moment she kills that last nerve, she is miraculously able to re-instate all of my sanity with the bat of her killer blue-green eyes, and the showing of the sweet little dimple on her right cheek. Love her, but, she is exhausting.

We were playing with flashlights today because we created a super-fantastic fort in the basement. Yep, I was a cool, fort-building mama today. Don't let me fool you though, I have not done many cool things lately. Haven't felt like being cool...too tired to be cool. Thought I would change that today.

One of our flashlights is a little emergency flashlight that doesn't require batteries, and it charges by shaking it back and forth, a lot. Mikayla quickly pinned it as "Mee-kayla's Flash Light" (That is how she says her name, so cute). Since it doesn't work without shaking it a bazillion times, it is never working when it is in her hands. So she brings it to me this evening and says "Fix-it mommy." So I start shaking it, but her little, over-eager, two-year-old body couldn't take the waiting, so she snatched it from me, super excited to see the dim little light peeking through the top of the glass of the flashlight. It would only work for a few minutes before we started the whole routine over again. Never once was it fully charged. Needless to say, I have hidden "Mee-kayla's" flash light for a while.

It got me thinking. Being a light in this world requires a lot of work. It requires patience and diligence, and the second the light becomes dim, we need to and should re-charge that light. But how often do we become content with the dull, dim light. I mean, there is still light right? We are still being somewhat helpful and Godly, right? The darkness has not yet taken over, so there is still good......right?

Is it right? When I am walking in the dark while, say, camping......I rely on that flashlight to reveal all in my path. The dimmer the light, the less that is revealed. Sure, my immediate path may be illuminated, but how close do I come to say a snake or maybe a big rock I could trip over. Or what if I am walking with someone on this figurative camping trip. Is my dim little light going to help them any?

Being a light in this world does not mean to just keep ourselves out of harms way. It means to radiate light so that people can't help but be guided by and thankful for God's work in you.

The few times I have been camping and caught without a flashlight, it is a bit terrifying, and I find myself stuck, seeking ANY source of light to get me to where I need to go. I can't help but smile at the thought that someone around me is stuck in the dark, and I may be the only light they see. I want it to be BRIGHT!

Here is my little light, my Mikayla "Ray" of sunshine. I don't know if my brother will be thrilled I posted this, but....oh well :)