Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Thoughts on my birthday

It's my birthday. 26. Old to some, young to others......and no matter how you view it, its always a reason to celebrate! Even my daughter, who is 3, has been asking all day "When are we going to your birthday mommy?" Obviously she thinks there is always a party involved........hated telling her that all we were doing today was laundry. She had the same reaction I had when I stared at the mountain of responsibility I had for the day......yuck.

I can honestly say though that I am glad for the ability to have clothes to clean (*gasp!!* Did I really just say that?) and dishes to do, and toys to clean up. It means that all my needs for clothing, shelter, provision, and love have been provided for. Yep, I am blessed.

Do you ever think about what will be said at your funeral? (Woah Rachel, you just took a morbid turn from birthdays to death, all in a few short sentences.....) Do you ever imagine who will speak? Hoping that all that is said is a true testament to the wonderful character you assume people see? I do, I hope people want to speak on the fact that I loved Jesus with every fiber of my being, and not speak on the fact that my daughters favorite thing to do is to discipline her stuffed animals for saying naughty words.......naughty words that I might add, are words she has heard me say countless times in moments of weakness. (Can I just say that she is smart? She somehow thinks she can get away with saying the naughty word if it comes out disguised as her stuffed kitty's voice......where in the world does she come up with this stuff?)

I was brought to a passage today in Genesis 9. At the end of the chapter it talks about a weak moment for Noah. A moment where he did not use the best judgement. A moment when his children had a front row viewing of his failure. (I so feel your pain Noah. Its as if our kiddos know right where to be when we fail.)
20 Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded[a] to plant a vineyard. 21 When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. 22 Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father naked and told his two brothers outside. 23 But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father’s naked body. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father naked.
24 When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son had done to him, 25 he said,
“Cursed be Canaan!
The lowest of slaves
will he be to his brothers.

Poor guy. The man called to be the "crazy guy who built a big boat" and was faithful to that calling, the man who was in charge of thousands of animals in a tight confined space (its enough to make me crazy just thinking about it), the man who was responsible for re-populating the WHOLE EARTH, the man who worked hard to establish a living for his family by planting a vineyard.....couldn't just sit back with nice glass of wine, without it ending tragically. I feel for him. Bad judgement on the drunkeness and nakedness part......but still. Bummer. You know what it says after this passage?

28 After the flood Noah lived 350 years. 29 Noah lived a total of 950 years, and then he died.

Really? Thats it? He died. No grand eulogy. No going out party. He died. Thats it. HELLO! This guy is responsible for the most popular themed nursery and baby shower to this day. His boat has been recreated by fischer-price for pete's sake. He has a childrens song written after him (**God said to Noah there's going to be a floody floody**.) That is big stuff! I seriously laughed at the irony of how the last story written about him is about a slip-up in character, and then he dies.  

All joking aside......that is exactly how God wants it to be. He doesnt want us to be sought after for how great we are, He doesnt want us to be honored for obedience, He may not even want the last story told of us to be about how spotless our character was........He wants His will to be done, and He wants us to be a part of it. Its not about us.....because His way is going to happen whether we are apart of it or not. Of course people know that Noah was obedient, that he was a part of saving mankind, and that animals came to him two-by-two........but the last story also shows that he was human, and it was a reminder to me that God did it all, not Noah.

I am real with people. I want people to know that I screw up......mostly because if they see any good in me at all, they will recognize its God in me. I cant be good on my own. I am not good on my own. My daughter is a ever-present reminder that I am not good on my own (does anyone else's kids only repeat the bad words they say and not the good ones?) Of course I still want nice things said about me at my I am not crazy. But I really hope the residing theme in my life is the visible way God's will was done. And that He used me to do it. And that despite my shortcomings, He still saw me worthy to carry out His task.

Dear Lord- Thank you for another year. Another year to make mistakes and realize I need you. Another year to have many successes and realize I couldn't have done them without you. Another year with You. What a blessing that is! I realize my reactions to the stories found in your Word are less than typical, but I thank you for finally bringing me around to what you are saying. Its all about you. So while I am humbled completely by the well wishes of family on this day of my birth, I pray you constantly remind me that its not about me, ever. Amen