Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Here I am....

So the worst feeling as a parent happened to Jason and I the other night. I am just now recovering.
Jason had just come home from grocery shopping and I was cooking. We were both busy putting away groceries and trying our best to move around each other in our itty-bitty kitchen when Jason says "Its too quiet, I am going to check on the little girl." I continue with meal prep when Jason says, "Rachel I can't find Mikayla, please come help." I immediately stopped what I was doing and went to search but thought nothing of it until I noticed that our front screen door did not get locked after Jason came home with the groceries. Mikayla can open that door when its not locked.

Instant panic.

I ran outside, Jason ran outside. He ran down the street shouting her name. I ran inside to check all the places I thought she would hide, shouting her name. I picked up my phone, went outside and ran the other direction shouting her name, preparing to call 911. Jason ran inside and searched some more. For 3-4 minutes we did this.........when she emerged from behind the couch. I sat down sobbing, completely unable to move. Paralyzed. The thoughts that ran through my head in those 4 minutes were awful.

Mikayla, being the concerned child that she is asked, "Mommy, whats wrong?"

"Mommy was so scared we lost you."

"I scare you mommy?"

"Yes baby. When you hear mommy and daddy saying 'Mikayla!' you need to answer us and say 'Here I am!'"

Big hug from my confused toddler. I held tight and we prayed right then and there.

I don't know if she thought she was in trouble, or if she thought we wanted her to do something, and if that was why she didn't let us know where she was. Who knows. It was scary.

I think sometimes God just wants me to say "Here I am." Obviously God always knows where I am, but I think just declaring it, maybe even shouting it, is all that is needed. I think sometimes I fear answering Him means that He wants me to do something, or maybe I am in trouble........but I think sometimes He just wants to know we are here, and will answer when He calls our name.

Here I am by Downhere

Sometimes your calling, comes in dream
Sometimes it comes in the Spirit's breeze,
You reach for the deepest hope in me,
And call out for the things of eternity.

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say,

Here I am, Lord send me,
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me,
Somehow my story, Is part of your plan,
Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,
Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that you will finish what you began.

These broken parts you redeem,
Become the song, that I can sing

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,
And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but you can.


Monday, October 3, 2011

It's Fall Y'all

Have you ever given a single thought to all the leaves changing colors? I mean it's fall, so with that comes: football, homecoming, school activities, Halloween, winter clothes shopping, I am guessing you all have plenty of things to occupy your time without having to think about a silly orange leaf. BUT, if you live in Colorado, the colors of the season are a big deal. BIG.

It truly is remarkable. All the gold, red, and orange colors of the trees. The crisp feel in the air. Its nostalgic.

But all the fuss is really over death. Yes, death. The leaves are changing colors because they are dying! Its the end of the run for the sad little guys. Gone are the days of blowing in the wind, being a home for a little critter, showing off their green physique. It's time for them to kick the bucket. And they sure do go out with a bang. It is truly beautiful.

Funny, those leaves have it figured out. They are leaving with grace and beauty. They could just shrivel up and die without so much as a yellow speck. But they age gracefully with a myriad of color and then drift pleasantly to the ground. Stunning.

I could take a note from the leaves. I have been through many, shall I say, season's......and I have fought said seasons tooth and nail. There was nothing beautiful or stunning about the way I ended. I didn't even leave a beautiful impression behind. I simply shriveled up and fell flat to the ground.

But, have you ever considered what would happen if we didn't have an autumn season? The leaves would remain on the trees and would add weight to the trees when the snowy season hits, which would in turn cause broken tree limbs on homes and power lines. The leaves would die anyway, but would leave destruction in their wake.

I guess the leaves get this. (I realize leaves have no intelligence whatsoever, but humor me, OK?) So they end their season gracefully. Leaving a beautiful memory of what they were, a colorful indication that they are accepting of their purpose.

I want to be like a leaf. When seasons come and go, when death hits (both literal and figurative), when a time has come for me to accept the will of my life, my purpose, I want to do it colorfully.....beautifully. Trials happen, death occurs, pain hits and tragedy strikes. But what do we look like when it happens?

Psalm 96:11-12 Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; let the sea roar, and all that fills it; let the field exult, and everything in it. Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy.

The trees are here for nothing other than to give glory to God. They fulfill His purpose for them beautifully.

But what if I don't know my purpose? What if I don't know His will for this season.....for my life? Should I wither, or should I fulfill His purpose for my life beautifully? If I don't, will it make things harder later on when the inevitable will happen anyways?