Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Here I am....

So the worst feeling as a parent happened to Jason and I the other night. I am just now recovering.
Jason had just come home from grocery shopping and I was cooking. We were both busy putting away groceries and trying our best to move around each other in our itty-bitty kitchen when Jason says "Its too quiet, I am going to check on the little girl." I continue with meal prep when Jason says, "Rachel I can't find Mikayla, please come help." I immediately stopped what I was doing and went to search but thought nothing of it until I noticed that our front screen door did not get locked after Jason came home with the groceries. Mikayla can open that door when its not locked.

Instant panic.

I ran outside, Jason ran outside. He ran down the street shouting her name. I ran inside to check all the places I thought she would hide, shouting her name. I picked up my phone, went outside and ran the other direction shouting her name, preparing to call 911. Jason ran inside and searched some more. For 3-4 minutes we did this.........when she emerged from behind the couch. I sat down sobbing, completely unable to move. Paralyzed. The thoughts that ran through my head in those 4 minutes were awful.

Mikayla, being the concerned child that she is asked, "Mommy, whats wrong?"

"Mommy was so scared we lost you."

"I scare you mommy?"

"Yes baby. When you hear mommy and daddy saying 'Mikayla!' you need to answer us and say 'Here I am!'"

Big hug from my confused toddler. I held tight and we prayed right then and there.

I don't know if she thought she was in trouble, or if she thought we wanted her to do something, and if that was why she didn't let us know where she was. Who knows. It was scary.

I think sometimes God just wants me to say "Here I am." Obviously God always knows where I am, but I think just declaring it, maybe even shouting it, is all that is needed. I think sometimes I fear answering Him means that He wants me to do something, or maybe I am in trouble........but I think sometimes He just wants to know we are here, and will answer when He calls our name.

Here I am by Downhere

Sometimes your calling, comes in dream
Sometimes it comes in the Spirit's breeze,
You reach for the deepest hope in me,
And call out for the things of eternity.

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say,

Here I am, Lord send me,
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me,
Somehow my story, Is part of your plan,
Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,
Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that you will finish what you began.

These broken parts you redeem,
Become the song, that I can sing

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,
And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but you can.


1 comment:

  1. One time when one of the boys was about 3 we were moving... lots of stuff going on. We realize we can't find him and everyone goes on a search, all of us hollering his name but we got no answer. I am in complete panic and almost ready to call 911, when the bathroom door slowly opens and a little voice says "I am going poo"..... I was laughing and crying all at the same time. I am not sure why he waited so long to let us know, but I am SO glad he was ok!

    I AM SO SO GLAD that little Mikayla is ok too. It is a very sickening feeling when you can't find them.