Thursday, February 9, 2012

Dear Husbands....

Ok, or the ladies who are reading who have a husband......because I don't think any guys actually read this (well aside from my husband because I make him.)

Here is my Valentines day challenge (of sorts) for you:

Make your wife feel:
Otherwise she is just "too tired."

Come on, I know you have heard that one before. But rather than putting the blame on your wife for why you didn't get laid (yes I totally just said that, but I am married, and I am talking to married people, so that is perfectly acceptable. God said so.) why not give some thought to your interactions with her throughout the day?

Are you skimming out the door with a just kiss on the cheek? Are you complaining that your work clothes aren't clean? Have you called her just to say that you love her? Have you offered to get up in the night with the child who won't go back to sleep? Have you told her that it is perfectly acceptable that the dishes weren't done? Have you called her beautiful when she was wearing her sweats and a ratty t-shirt....for the third day in a row? Have you thanked her.....for anything......not pertaining to your immediate needs? Have you praised her for a creative meal, or a clever way of organizing? Do you ask her about her day? If you are answering no.......eeek. No good.

Stare at her. Appreciate the fact that she has not gotten her hair done for 3 months, and tell her that you still love her natural hair color. Take a look at those stretch marks, and rather than be thankful that she has clothes to cover them up, be thankful that that was what covered up your child for 9 months. Did she patiently clean up the 3rd cup of spilled water from your toddler at dinner time? Tell her that you noticed her composure. Did she sound mature and articulate in a phone conversation you overheard her having? Tell her. Are you blown away by all the delicious meals she has prepared recently? Don't just assume she knows because you ate it all. TELL HER. We like to know that we are admired outside of when we get all dressed up, it shows us that you notice the things that are un-noticeable.

We all know you men have those "adult" thoughts throughout the day. Let us know. But not in a dirty way. Be sweet about it. Make an inside joke about it. And please don't just do it when you catch us getting dressed or stepping out of the shower. DUH. We know you want us when we are naked. Its when we are playing with the kids, or cooking dinner, or doing laundry that we feel the most undesirable, and that is the time when we could use the pick me up. AND, when the kids are in bed, and the day is done, act on those things that you said. A man that is all talk and no action gives way to the "I'm too tired" excuse.

This is a hard one to do. I get that. But give your wife the ability to be inspired. Encourage and appreciate her creative thoughts. Sometimes all it takes is a loving and supportive man to get us through our work day, to push us to complete a project, to force us into a frame of mind to be loving and creative with the kids. We know that listening about how our day went isn't always thrilling, but if you show interest, then you will be the person we look forward to being with at the end of the day.

I realize that these are easy concepts, but they are so simple that they are easy to skip over.

Maybe I am writing all this because I have seen these things in my hubbie lately. He has been through a truly stressful season at work, this week especially. Really long days, lots of problem solving and messes to clean up. And because his days have been like that, MY days have been like that. So rather than just complain about his day, he recognizes that my days have been hard too. He has picked up dinner for us 3 days this week. He has been gracious about the laundry not being done, even though he barely had any clean clothes. He has praised me for the things I have done with Mikayla. He has made me feel desired, even though I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I have looked.....and probably smelled....awful at times. He keeps his mouth shut when I am a crabby grouch in the morning. He bought me ice cream. He is apologetic. He has prayed for me. I love him to death.

So, I can truly say, that even though the long days at work have made him "too tired" lately, it is definitely not something he has heard me say J

Oh, and ladies, I will be writing to you soon, so don't think you are off the hook J

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