So I finally went to the eye-doctor, after....ahem....5 years, thinking my vision was going to be horrendous. I apparently have "healthy eyes" with just small needed adjustment when driving. Score! I was excited that I didn't need anything stronger than the occasional need to wear glasses, and I was excited to be able to read street signs without having to pass them first. Getting from location A to B is not going to take as long now!
So I got my glasses and put them on, and WOAH. At first I thought that I had the wrong prescription. It felt so strange. But then, I looked at a billboard sign in the distance, and I could read it! But why did my eyes feel so strange? Shouldn't seeing clearer be an easy adjustment?
I guess not. Its a weird and uncomfortable adjustment.
Apparently seeing God clearer is a weird adjustment too. I have been in a rut this week of wanting to WANT Him. I still don't believe people when they say "I love my quiet times with Jesus. I can hardly wait to sit down in a quiet moment and hear from Him." I don't know what that means. I love my times with Jesus, but I don't love it until I am in it. I often times sit down thinking "Man I really would rather be doing X, Y, Z......but I know I need this." WHY????!!! Its so infuriating to me this week. Why can't I just want to sit down with Him? Why is it that I don't desire that? I love it when I am in it, but its hardly ever something I sit down excitedly wanting to do.
Grrrrr.....I don't know if I am explaining this right. I love my relationship with God, and I love Him, and the way God speaks to me is unfathomable, because I never thought I would be where I am right now with Him. But the whole adjustment phase to see Him clearer, to read His signs, is uncomfortable. I have become so used to just trying to see Him better, that maybe now I am seeing Him better, and it just feels funny and awkward? Huh......maybe that's it. Maybe I am seeing Him better now than I ever have before, but I am just not used to the "prescription." Like with my new glasses. I have been given a solution to see better, but my eyes (or my fleshly nature) doesn't know what to do with it yet.
Excited about the prospect of "seeing" clearer. Lol maybe getting from location A to B won't take as long now.